Hi (:
My name is Eileen.
I ♥ nail arts, pets, and my life.


is the bomb.
you know you love me
xoxo







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I remember... at Tuesday, March 09, 2010

I could remember how things happened on my birthday like it was yesterday... Typical Chinese bitch.. How you've packed every single thing of mine and even asked me to pack yours as well..

I remembered the other day I had a dream.. I dreamt that you said you don't love me anymore and that you don't ever want to see me anymore and you even held onto another girl's hand and walk away from me.. I woke up from the dream in an instant and didn't dared to go back to sleep.. Thinking of it now it felt so real and that emotions are so strong my tears can't help but to flow..

You can say the most hurtful words I never wished to hear for my entire life.. ' I don't have trust in you anymore/ I don't even bother anymore.! Don't be so cheap. ' How do you think I'll take it? It didn't feel good hearing such statements.. It felt like a dagger slowly dragging at your heart..

I've tried.. But it didn't seemed enough for you.. Being shouted by you in public and having you pushing my head sucks! I swallowed it all.. You walked and I followed slowly from behind till I lost sight of you.. Yet you turned back and asked why am I so slow instead...

You said I've made improvements but that still didn't satisfy you enough.. You told me I'm a loser.. Yet after all these that you've said to me I felt helpless and all I wanted was to defend for myself.. But every wall/brick I build/stack, you just tear them down instead and step on them like they're nothing at all.. It's like every single time I stands up, you pushed me to fall harder..

All that you've said made me feel hopeless and useless at times.. And even times that I'm not good enough for you.. I know people's tongue have been wagging about me being with you but still, everything I put it all behind me.. I've to keep it all in me and that at times, I just felt like screaming and pulling every single strands of that person's hair.. But I end up pulling mine instead and pinching or biting myself to tell me this is reality.. .Who else can I seek help from? At times I didn't even dare to let you know things fearing that you'll get angry and telling me off that I asked for it.. So I kept it all in me.. And you said I'm keeping things away from you.. At times, I just don't know how to communicate with you properly.. I assume you came across that a lot of times as well...

Even when we're in the same school, so many problems have surfaced before.. I'm sure more will bound to surface when we're in our own respective new school and courses.. I just wished that you'd not forget that I'm still here.. I've never even thought of leaving.. Please don't crush this hope again.. It has nearly happened a number of times.. I don't want it to happen again...